I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
