I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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