You really coming over, don't trick.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
