I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
