I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had to cum in my sink.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
