I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
