Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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