I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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