you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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