My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
