Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
