Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it glows. i had to have it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
