i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
