Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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