Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
