Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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