I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
