Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
