just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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