I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
