He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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