beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
