im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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