i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
