wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
