I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
