Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
