My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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