also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We got so high we made milksteak
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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