I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
