singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
