When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
