11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
