WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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