I hate your face
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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