I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
