Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I need to sanitize my soul.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you have feelings for this penis?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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