you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
