Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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