Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
