'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
