Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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