hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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