That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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