found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
where does the pee come out of this thing
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
