i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
