I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
