And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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