ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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