i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I AM VODKA MAN
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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