The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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